Smoking tobacco cigarettes in the streets of Kings Cross is a wealth hazard. As soon as one lights a cigarette the bludgers swoop: “Do you have a spare cigarette?”
Today I went out with Bella to buy a packet of cigarettes. I had just one cigarette left and could see a long night ahead. I needed to get a new packet, and I could kill two birds with one stone. Take Bella for a needed walk and feed my addiction by having a ready supply for the night ahead.
After I bought the new packet, I had two packets. The old one with one cigarette in it and the brand new unopened one. So I lit up the remaining fag in the old packet and tossed it in the street garbage bin. After a few puffs I was approached by a woman, possibly 35 yo and dressed like a skanky hoe. I had not seen her before. Her face had the scratch marks that signified to me an ice user/addict. She asked for a cigarette. The way she stood and looked at me indicated to me that this was just an opening gambit for an attempted financial transaction of the naughty kind. Now my usual line with street girls who interrupt my train of thought contemplating the meaning of life as I walk along Darlinghurst Road Kings Cross by asking “Do you want to see a girl?” is to reply ” No, but if you have a younger brother I might be interested ” (such is often met with a shout “Filthy ped” by the disappointed entrepreneur) wasn’t available to me with this new subtle approach. It required a fresh approach.
As I opened the new packet, peeling away the cellophane, I looked the woman right in the eye and said:
I hope you realise how lucky you are. You are indeed the luckiest person in Australia. I’m giving you a cigarette from an unopened packet. You must thank God for this.
She smirked a smile, indicating she thought I was joking. So I said:
I’m not kidding. You are the luckiest person in Australia.
As I handed her the cigarette I said:
If you don’t praise and give thanks to God for this cigarette, you won’t ever get another cigarette from me – and you can go f..k yourself.
I walked away. I looked back.She was still standing there. She was completely dumbfounded.
Bella enjoyed the walk. We went home.